I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
