When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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