what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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