I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
