i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
