so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
