Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
