You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
