I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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