The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize