Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
