Where is the hickey?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
