if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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