I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
