I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
