My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
