I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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