Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
