there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
