I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
