Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
