new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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