You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
