She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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