Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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