I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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