a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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