How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
