Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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