Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
