are you still at the devil's house?
I'm jealous of your bromance
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
