first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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