my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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