just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
