Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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