one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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