We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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