my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
