I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
