your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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