How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
