it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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