I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
