we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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