I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
