11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
