please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize