just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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