I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
