So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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