This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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