i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Operation Purity has been aborted
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
