You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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