Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
