Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
