My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Success! We fucked roommates!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
