Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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