Already got asked if we're dating
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i drank out of a bidet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Come share oat with me in your robe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
