Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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