2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
