You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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