Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
