I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
