We should be called the Road Head Warriors
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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