We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize