life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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