I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
