i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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