Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize