I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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