it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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